just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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