I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
