So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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