dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
