Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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