there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
