I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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