i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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