Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
