You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
