So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
