Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
