This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
