I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
