I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Dignity is for republicans.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
