She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
