I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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