Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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