soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Well I just put wine in my tea
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
