Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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