Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
