4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
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HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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