Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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