Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
