I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
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Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
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oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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