Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
