just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
