lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize