I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
