New invention idea: vibrating tampons
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
