Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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