You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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