wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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