i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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