her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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