She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
