She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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