Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
