I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
