Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
