I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
