Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
