Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
