he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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