Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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