I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
