I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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