I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
