didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
