I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My pussy is not your playground.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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