do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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