i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
