I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
