if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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