And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
