my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
