Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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