Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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