im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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