and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
