He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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