just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
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STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
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The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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