I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
