I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
