Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Four minutes until I can fart!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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