hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
