i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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