Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
