there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
