Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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